«I don’t believe in half measures or compromise. I just can’t bear to compromise about anything. I give everything I’ve got because that’s the way I am» - Freddie Mercury.
London, 1979
A figure of a man in leather trousers appeared in the corridor. Sweat was going down his face. A hang tie wiggled from side to side to the pace of his fast steps.
Approaching the dressing room, he could still hear the chanting crowd, encouraging to come back. But instead, he pulled the door and stepped through it, picking up the nearest thing that came to hand. A sound of the mirror, shattering into 1000 pieces, made a person sitting on a couch jump from the sit: «Freddie, what's wrong?»
«Well, they may not realise, but my sound was off. I will not accept anything that is not top great. "Queen" number one and I will not accept anything from being number one».
«His main characteristic was his determination to do things, you know. He wanted to be the best. For me, that's the one thing that I think stands out of Freddie» - smiling probably to the surging memories, recalls Bruce Murray, Mercury's school friend. And that is very true, Freddie Mercury hasn't settled for anything. He knew that some people could take second best, but he couldn't: «If you’ve got the taste of being number one, then number two isn’t good enough».
And this trait was seen in different aspects of his life, especially in career. In the «Times» interview Dave Clark refers to him as an «absolute profesional to the extreme where everything has to be perfect». «He goes his all until he drops. Every take is a performance» - sitting in two inches from his friend, Freddie listens closely, smiling and nodding from time to time. His determination to do things properly paid off and he was seemingly proud of that.
“Queen” was an absolute phenomenon and, to my point of view, perfectionism was one of the reasons for that. Mark Blake, author of the book «Is This the Real Life:The Untold Story of Queen», agreed with me, adding that members of the group had the same tendency: «There are stories of Brian May spending two weeks trying to perfect a guitar solo». Their desire to give 100 percent all the time brought results, making “Queen” one of the most known bands in the history. But as we know, everything has its price. The question is, what was the price of fame for Freddie?
Munich, 1985
A man in a colourful t-shirt and red printed suspenders inhales cigarette smoke.
«Freddie, there must be times when you do need to turn to someone about personal problems. Is there one person you would turn to?»
A wide smile appeared underneath a black mustache: «I have a lot of mirrors».
Loneliness was his riger of success: "Most people wonder how someone like Freddie Mercury can be lonely? He has money, he has cars and chauffeurs. But you can seem to have everything, and yet have nothing”. He admitted that success brought him world idolisation and millions of pounds, but prevented from having the one thing we all need - a loving, ongoing relationship. “You can be loved by so many thousands of people, yet still be the loneliest person. And the frustration of that makes it even worse, because it’s hard for people to understand that you can be lonely.”
When it comes to relationships, as Freddie said, it doesn't matter who you are – the Queen of England or Mary Potts from Bognor. You are equal. And when it comes down to terms of success, you have to overcompensate – it's difficult to approach someone and say: «Hey, you are normal. It just happens that I have a lot of money». And when that happens, you find yourself in a very vulnerable position. And they we'll tread all over you. And the higher you climb up that ladder, the bigger the barrier becomes around you.
But Freddie knew it was inevitable - he wouldn't be able to sacrifice his career if a partner wanted him to: «What else would I do? Dig weeds, get fat and be beautifully in love?». He admitted he was willing to open up to people, but didn't want to be hurt anymore. Thus, performing became his escape: «When people let you down, what happens is you just wanna go on stage and there are all of these people who want you to adulate, but you are still untouchable. And then I come back to reality, I don't have anybody to actually sort of give me that. When I have nothing else to do, I hide behind that. That's what keeps me going».
Not having a relationship to be vulnerable in, he shared his feelings with millions of people, writing lyrics for his songs: «They are all under the label emotion. I'd love to write songs about something totally different, but they all seemed to end up in a very emotional and tragic way».
«Sometimes I feel I'm gonna break down and cry.
Nowhere to go, nothing to do with my time
I get lonely, so lonely
Living on my own»
That was Freddie Mercury, a man of extremes, who had either millions of people chanting his name, either no one waiting for him at home.
Iliana Ezhova
Sources:
"A Life in Ten Pictures", BBC
"His life in his own words” – G. Brooks, S. Lupton
Dave Clark, the Times interview with him and Freddie Mercury -https://youtu.be/4KRnbDiNZsI
Mark Blake, personal interview
Interview with David Wigg, 1985 https://youtu.be/t0OX9zNJMMQ
Freddie Mercury himself - https://youtu.be/t0OX9zNJMMQ